Scots Footballers and Children Unspeakably Bad On Television

Summary

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THAT the Scots are a comparatively illiterate people is as obvious and shiny as your nose. Well, all right, my nose. You can experience this phenomenom - the illiteracy, not my nose - when footballers are interviewed after games, or our children appear on television, or if you ever have the misfortune to read internet comments.

If the footballers are representative of our proletariat, then we can only give thanks that Karl Marx's plan to bring them (the proletariat, not the footballers) to power never saw fruition. I don't know why this is. Foreign players of all nationalities speak eloquently enough, even given unfamiliarity with the language. English players, other than those from Liverpool, speak properly, using the correct tense, and often are able to go beyond observing: "The boys done good."

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Extract

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Scots Footballers and Children Unspeakably Bad On Television

But Scottish players, almost to a man, cannot string two words together. They mumble cliches about "the gaffer" (manager) and, clearly, have no idea whether a participle should be dangled or mislaid. The so-called analysts in the TV studios aren't much better: "He's went ...

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